Turding

Me:    Uh oh. Sprout’s having trouble pooping.

Brad:  Are you watching a dog poop through binoculars?

Me:     Don’t be silly, a dog can’t poop through binoculars.

Brad:  I hate you so much.

Me:     This is way easier than running outside to search the yard for evidence.

Brad:   Just when I thought you couldn’t get any weirder about dogs…

Me:    Oh God, she’s gonna need a wet wipe.

Brad:  I’m eating here.

Me:    These binocs really zoom in.

Brad:   You are beyond sick.

Me:     Bird watching is fun, but turd watching really serves a purpose. Turding could become a thing!

Brad:   Hey, I’ve got a big bird for you.

Me:      You’re an ass.

Brad:   I know an ass I’d like to tap.

Me:      That never gets old.

Brad:    Neither do you.

Me:      Just go get the wet wipes.

Brad:   I’ll get something wet.

Me:      Christ. I’m grabbing Sprout and wiping her ass on your pillow.

Brad:   I’ve got something sprouting.

Me:    And now I hate you.