Scene: the restaurant in the Dayton Marriott Sunday morning, at the end of the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. I’m having lunch with good friend and fellow Ermatologist, Molly Campbell.
Waitress: Excuse me, but someone just asked if you would give them your autograph.
That’s funny. Who’s pulling my chain? (I start scanning the restaurant for one of my friends.)
Waitress: No. I’m serious. Here’s her name. It’s pronounced Heidi. “HAYDEE” is scribbled on a small torn piece of paper and she includes a separate paper for my autograph.
No way. Maybe because I did stand up last night?
Waitress: She says she saw you in a casino.
Uhhhh. No. I don’t work casinos.
Waitress: I’ll go get her.
Please do. I sign ‘Amy Sherman’ on a separate little piece of paper and add: ‘Please feel free to stop by, Haydee.’
To Molly: Oh this will be rich. Who do you think she thinks I am? Marlo Thomas?
Waitress comes back with a darling young woman. She’s also a server.
Me: Nice to meet you. Who did you think I was? Ann Miller? (Like this baby would know who that was.)
Haydee: No. Who would be next?
Me: I have no idea.
Haydee: Amy Schumer!
I jump up so excited: OMG, I LOVE her. Do you think I’d be sitting here if I was Amy Schumer? I’m so sorry to disappoint you.
Haydee: I overheard my co-worker when she was running your charge. (Remember, Amy Sherman.) So I’m like, ‘I LOVE her. And I saw her show recently at a casino.’ I peek around the corner and think, ‘Did she do something with her hair?’ But your face actually seems similar, so maybe you’re her mother?
You take that back! (Everyone around us in the restaurant really thinks something is happening. We’re making quite the commotion.)
I hand her my autograph with my business card.
“You are adorable. Please take my card because YOU are going to be in my next blog.”
Haydee proceeded to tell us how she once misunderstood a diner talking about chauffeuring film star Gina Davis around. So she starts asking all sorts of questions about her, tells how much she loves all of her movies, and wonders why she hasn’t seen much of her lately.
Soon after that she sees a beautiful blonde woman getting into the limo at the front of the hotel and it isn’t Gina Davis at all. Turns out it is Jenna Jameson, world renowned porn star and brilliant business person. Looking back at her conversation with the driver she bursts out laughing because all of her Gina Davis questions fit Jenna perfectly, while making Haydee look like a huge porn star fan.
She had more stories to share as well. Haydee made our day and we told her she should definitely be telling her stories. Erma would be proud.
And Molly will always remember dining with a beloved comedian. As she should.
Haydee, my first autograph seeker.
Photo courtesy of Orlando Weekly