Me: Uh oh. Sprout’s having trouble pooping.
Brad: Are you watching a dog poop through binoculars?
Me: Don’t be silly, a dog can’t poop through binoculars.
Brad: I hate you so much.
Me: This is way easier than running outside to search the yard for evidence.
Brad: Just when I thought you couldn’t get any weirder about dogs…
Me: Oh God, she’s gonna need a wet wipe.
Brad: I’m eating here.
Me: These binocs really zoom in.
Brad: You are beyond sick.
Me: Bird watching is fun, but turd watching really serves a purpose. Turding could become a thing!
Brad: Hey, I’ve got a big bird for you.
Me: You’re an ass.
Brad: I know an ass I’d like to tap.
Me: That never gets old.
Brad: Neither do you.
Me: Just go get the wet wipes.
Brad: I’ll get something wet.
Me: Christ. I’m grabbing Sprout and wiping her ass on your pillow.
Brad: I’ve got something sprouting.
Me: And now I hate you.